Kill The Moon

Otherwise known as Doctor Who Jumps The Shark!

Whilst it’s debatable as to whether this is the worst New Who story ever, it’s certainly worse than the woefully over-rated Listen or the dreadful In The Forest Of The Night. It’s bad with a capital B. It’s New Who’s very own Timelash. It’s Moffat’s biggest miss-step ever and you seriously wonder how anyone involved with it could let such storytelling rubbish as this go out with a clean conscience. Shame on you all.

I mean, these people are all meant to be television screenwriting professionals, yet they let through a script so bad that even a first year Screenwriting student at Uni couldn’t have come up with an ending so implausible. For this one you get zero out of ten Steven, see me after class!

As we are all far too painfully aware, the biggest single problem with the story is the ending. Well, actually, there are two big problems with the story, and the ending is one of them. No, make that three. But the ending is still the biggest one. So let’s start with how I fixed it.

I’d been thinking for quite a while that KTM would probably turn out to be the hardest story of all to fix, given how ludicrous the ending was, and that it would probably end up being one of the last ones I ever tackled. That it didn’t came down to the fact that the solution simply popped into my head one day, and it’s a solution so bloody simple you wonder why none of the professional writers on the show thought of it!

So. It’s 2049. The Doctor discovers that the moon is an egg. A space egg. A space egg with a space dragon inside [not a chicken]. And moon spiders on the Lanzarote-like surface. So far so bonkers. The space dragon inside the egg-moon hatches out, destroying the moon in the process. Which means The Moonbase, set in 2070, never happens.  So this is the point in the script editing process where someone should have pointed out that they really ought to move the date for this story to a point after 2070 so the Doctor doesn’t change his own personal history. But they don’t. Instead they do the most nuts thing imaginable…

The space dragon hatches out of the egg and then it… wait for it… lays an egg that instantly expands to the same size as the moon that has just been destroyed. Sorry but WTAF? Why did nobody consider any of the other possible, much more plausible endings that don’t require you writing yourself into corner…

Why doesn’t the Doctor just materialise the TARDIS around the space dragon and then set it free somewhere in space? 

Or why not just leave the moon destroyed, at some unspecified time after 2070, and let humanity deal with the consequences?

Or why not just let the humans kill the space dragon? Given  how pro-abortion Lefties are, you would think that they would have gone with that one…

KTM could have been a dramatic discussion of the merits of pro-life and pro-choice points of view, but the Left’s acolytes in the media are too obsessed with gender and identity politics to actually consider tackling something as socially important as abortion in a mainstream drama like Who. Yes, the story flirts with the issue, and you can’t really view the discussion between Clara and Mrs Astronaut Woman as being anything but, yet the story is a cop-out when it comes to the crunch as they instead reach for the shark-jumping reset button and replace the destroyed moon with a new one. Nuts.

So when it came to fixing this godawful story, I went with the simplest solution – the moon is destroyed, stays destroyed and humanity just has to deal with it’s absence. And since no other Capaldi story features the moon, and I’m not fan editing anything after Capaldi anyway, that was the option I went for, along with removing any reference to 2049. So think of this fan edit as “How Kill The Moon Should Have Ended”.

Aside from the usual misandrist derogatory comments directed against men, the other two problems in the story are the Doctor buggering off, which is  totally out of character, and Clara’s self-righteous rant as a result. Whilst I got rid of the latter, the former had to stay as there was no way to make the story work without it. The Doctor has done things that are out of character before, like degrading Ace instead of dragging Fenric into the gas chamber, so it’s not like it hasn’t happened before.

You can see the Doctor’s departure as yer typical man abdicating responsibility if you want to, which is probably what the showrunner & writer intended, but I prefer the alternate reading that what he’s really doing is forcing Clara to take responsibility.

Men may coerce women into having abortions, but it’s still women who choose to have them.

And in the New Narcissism of today, the truth is that too often both men and women lack the character required to take responsibility for their actions & their consequences and instead seek to evade doing so. For either gender, sacrificing your children to Moloch is a pretty poor way of doing parenting…

Abortion affects fathers too, and I can still remember poor old Lofty’s shock and horror years ago in Eastenders when he learned that Michelle Fowler had aborted not just her baby, but their baby, his baby. But then, the Left don’t care about fathers’ rights, the only thing that matters is the wimmin…

And speaking of wimmin, was I the only one to spot that leaving the three of them behind gives you a nice visual descriptor of the triple-headed pagan goddess – Maiden, Mother & Crone. And since the story is all about the moon, it’s apt that the Maiden [Courtney] represents the waxing moon, the Mother [Clara] the full moon, and Mrs Astronaut [Crone] the waning moon.

His script may be based on a fundamentally flawed idea, but at least Harness did some research. And it’s in tune with the show’s SJW agenda that it’s female spirituality, the sacred feminine and goddess worship that the script highlights as the solution to the problem. It reinforces the Leftist gender agenda of Feminine Good, Masculine Bad. Which is a very Kathleen Kennedy point of view, and one that seems to be working really well for her and what’s left of the fanbase of Star Wars

Another thing that’s problematic about the writing in this story is the line Clara utters that proves to be the game changer, as it marks the point where Doctor Who really starts to embrace SJW ideology and stops being family entertainment:

The actual line is: “Tell me what you knew, Doctor, or else I’ll slap you so hard you’ll regenerate”.

It’s probably the most offensive and problematic line in the entire canon thus far and it’s important for two reasons. The first is that, personally, this was the point at which I stopped liking Clara as a character and couldn’t wait for her to leave. Seriously, who the f#ck does she think she is? It’s here she starts to reveal her true colours as something other than just an egomaniac control freak compensating for the death of her mummy. She’s Xenia, SJW Princess

As written from here on out, Clara starts to embody the SJW values of the showrunner and writers at the expense of anything character driven that contributes to the story. (And for those of you with an erotic inclination toward Ms Oswald, I bet she’s a Dominatrix. I can’t exactly see wimpy PTSD soldier boy Danny taking charge when he and Clara are in the sack, can you?)

The second reason the line’s important is that it exemplifies, generally, the double standard of the Lefties who make our telly for us and their gyneolatrist mentality that everything feminine is good and everything masculine is bad. Which is, of course, complete bollocks. But these are people who are so authoritarian that they have a blind spot when it comes to their own hypocrisy (a bit like the Doctor’s “grey areas” only a helluva lot worse). Leftie Social Justice Warriors are the sort of people for whom violence against men is acceptable but violence against women isn’t…

There’s no longer corporal punishment in schools and parents are not allowed to smack their children, and if a man slaps a woman, that’s assault. But if a woman slaps a man, as River Song does to Eleven in The Angels Take Manhattan, that’s okay. But it’s actually worse than that. Most reasonable people think that violence is wrong, full stop. No matter who it’s against. But not if you’re a Leftie SJW Cultural Marxist. People like that not only think that violence by women against men is acceptable, it’s actually justified because all men, according to them, are rapists and patriarchal oppressors. Gimme a f#cking break…

The 71 Edit came out at 32 minutes by the time I’d cut the forward-throwing prologue, the nonsense ending of the newly-laid moon and Clara’s rant. After that it was a case of fine tuning the edit by going back and cutting out as much of the misandry as I could. With a couple of tricky sections requiring some ingenuity and a bit of re-ordering of the footage to fix, cutting out all the naff bits shaved another two minutes off the running time, bringing this edit in at 30 minutes and 30 seconds, which makes it one of the shortest New Series edits yet. And the general rule of thumb is that the shorter the fan edit, the worse the story it was edited from…

And can someone please explain to me how Courtney has the foresight to bring a spray bottle of Domestos with her, that conveniently comes in really handy when she meets the moon-spider germ thingy? She simply produces it when the story requires her to do so meaning Peter Harness, professional TV Writer, fails Screewriting 101 by forgetting to set up a reason why she has it earlier in the story. It seems even professionals who get paid with our licence fee money can make amateur mistakes…

If we already knew Courtney was a germophobe it would make sense, but as it is it’s a Deus Ex Machina, a rabbit pulled from the storytelling hat. Which is what screenwriters do when they can’t think of a way of resolving the problem they’ve written their character into. And so instead of being a moment that pays off what was set up, it’s simply contrived and fake…

Peter Harness is responsible for the script for the Beeb’s upcoming adaptation of HG Wells’ The War of The Worlds. Let’s hope he made a better job of it than he did this, the point at which Doctor Who begins to succumb to Necrotising Genderidentityitis, the creativity wasting disease that the social justice BBC has no cure for.

Doctor Who’s decline and fall starts here.

4 thoughts on “Kill The Moon

  1. This ep is such a meme on /who/, apparently they were fed this line from someone who saw it that it was “Virgin New Adventures level dark”

    Glad to see you erased the Clara rant…I agree with you, a most unpleasant scene that broke the character pretty much for life. I find it troubling when fangirls cite her as a favorite companion…just shows how many control freak SJWs there are in this world.

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